Shut up and take my money.

We’ve all danced the dance.

Recruiter sends some long-winded drivel about how awesome they are, with barely a scalp to their name.

You politely decline.

They follow up. Fair enough, they’ve got bills to pay.

You push back. No thanks.

Suddenly, it’s like your needy ex is back.

“Did you get a chance to pick up my email?”

“Just thought I’d circle back and we can catch up.”

And, my personal favourite - 3 phone calls in 5 minutes. Like I’m the phone equivalent of Beetlejuice, summoned if you ring 3 times with a KPI board looming over you.

"It's been 15 seconds, I'll try again."

If you aren’t a seller - you get about 15 of these interactions a week. It’s mindbogglingly boring and you get frustrated with the same routine.

“All right high horse Tim, how do I sell to you then?"

Take the wind out of my sales.

Lose everything that sounds like this:

“Oh hi there, I noticed you do X and I thought I’d send you a message to talk about Y.”

Is this a sales email, or are you explaining how your brain works?

“Fountain Pen recruitment are experts in recruiting and we have recruited lots of people for internal recruiters who find it difficult to recruit because recruiting internally is difficult”


There's me, holding the cares I have.

I don’t care who you are. What’s in it for me? (Just like with job adverts - amirite?)

“Tim, I’m representing a candidate who is interested in working with you and has asked me to approach...”

No, they haven’t.

“Subject line: WE HAVE ALL YOUR NEEDS COVERED” – Followed by a 90’s infographic selling me receptionist CVs.

Maybe, look at my vacancies and pitch for those roles. Like the agents I pick over you.

I use some great recruiters. How do they get in?

Those recruiters were themselves, and talked about things that actually interested me. It wasn’t an A4 page of waffle. It wasn’t a scattergun approach from a database.

Often, it started with a conversation - rather than asking for a house and 3 kids right away. They took me out to dinner first.

Yes, I know that they may not ACTUALLY love my blog or comment. Or care about my penchant for sausage rolls.

But, I know if they give a damn by how they refer to their candidates, how they talk about advertising, and the importance of things like feedback.


"Boss, he keeps talking about Greggs, what do I do?

They appeal to my self-interest. They humanise themselves and they stand out.

Because, when I'm choosing people to go to market or improve an aspect of my service, I look for people who can sell themselves first. Before letting them try and sell me or mine.

So shut up and take my money.

And for goodness sake - don’t ring me 3 times in 5 minutes.

By Tim

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